New Global Family:

Cheryl and Zoe’s Stories

Welcome to The New Global Family

My daughter turned 8 this June and it’s hard to remember my life before she was the center of my universe.  At the same time, I have vivid recollection of the transition from “me-focused” life in New York City to single parenthood.

I am “one of those women.”  The single, career-driven, creative type who forgot to get married and have children.  Some might say I am independent and uncompromising and refused to settle, some might call it other less desirable labels, but the end result led me to “single motherhood by choice” and a little, raven haired bundle of energy I named Zoe Milena.

Zoe Milena, born in Guatemala, changed my life.  On October 3, 2001, 3 weeks after 9/11 I brought her home and suddenly, walking out of my house was a whole different ballgame.  The beautiful little baby in the carriage was a different color and there was no daddy standing beside me.  Thrust full throttle into a new reality, I suddenly became “the other.”  My life focused, in an instant, on three things:  getting through the day with no sleep while working a part time job (for the first 2 years), helping my child adapt to a new country and a completely new world, and fending off the stares and often inappropriate comments of total strangers.

Not entirely surprising, and utterly shocking at the same time.  After all, I was living in New York City, capital of open mindedness.  There were lovely interchanges, with well wishers commenting on how beautiful my daughter was and “how lucky she was” to have been adopted by me.  But even in the best moments there was always the sense, looming just over our heads, that we were unlike others around us and therefore, we would need to be commented upon and evaluated.  I just wanted to sleep, cuddle my kid, and be like every other mother on the street.  And I wasn’t.

Today I understand that, in making the choices I made, I would have to accept all of this.  Nobody meant me any harm.  They just either didn’t fully understand or wanted to understand this new family structure, so “yesterdays news” around the water cooler, but not so comfortable up close.  I was crossing old established boundaries for what a family is “supposed” to look like, and who makes up a family.  Single, adoptive and transracial.  A tri-fecta of stigma.  Today I know it is my responsibility to accept whatever others might find objectionable or odd, because I made the choice to adopt.  But not so easy 8 years ago.

Enter Catherine Wayland and IF Magazine.  Walking down the street one day 3 ½ years ago I bumped into a dear friend and began to vent.  I had been trying to write a book about my newfound condition and interviewing others in similar circumstances.  I needed a life raft and she steered me to her friend who was putting together something called International Family Magazine, for people like me.  The rest, as they say, is history.  It’s more than history for me.  It gave me an opportunity to document my journey, purge my soul and find my true voice as a writer.

Today I get to turn around and do that for 2 remarkable people who will join me, as well as others, as we document life as part of “The New Global Family.”  I heard Greg Thomas read one of his pieces at a writer’s salon in my community and was struck by the sheer, mad whimsy in his words.  He made me laugh and cry in the space of about 6 minutes and I trust he will do the same for you.  Emma Goldman-Sherman is a mommy I met at a party who spoke to me about her adoption process, and bringing home a son from the Democratic Republic of the Congo.  Her passion for this was infectious and I was impressed with both her dignity and openness.  It was only much later that I found out she was an accomplished writer herself.  It is an honor to include them both.

If the words any of us offer you inspire, keep you going, make you feel you’re not alone, that’s a wonderful thing.  But I must say that, for me at least, just getting to be a part of this magazine has been the greatest gift.

So here’s to families, however they are made.  Here’s to the great life lesson of parenthood.  Here’s to all of us trailblazers, whether intentional or not.  Here’s to The New Global Family.

All the best to you and yours,
Cheryl Paley