Cherries in the Snow
By Tess Almendarez-Lojacono
“Mama, does God have a birthday?”
“No sweet girl. He always was.”
“What do you mean?”
“God wasn’t born, Trinidad. He was always there.”
“Was heaven always there too?”
“No. Just God. He is what is.”
“Then when does God get presents?”
“Every time you’re kind to someone else, God gets a present.”
“No, I mean, like, when does He get money? He could give it to the poor and then they could have presents too.”
“God has nothing to do with money. God’s gift is love. When we love one another, when we’re generous to one another, we share in God’s love and He spreads that love over all the people of the world, especially the poor--those who are starving, living in dirt. So they can be happy even though they have nothing because love is the most important thing there is. God’s love.”
“The most important thing there is....” Trini murmured.
“Now, stop looking for cherries in the snow, love. It’s past 8:30.” Her mother pulled the blankets up to her little one’s chin and turned out the light.
Trini was seven years old. She wasn’t as smart as Adela nor as beautiful as Modesta, never as fast or as strong as her brothers, Nunzio and Carlos. But she was curious. She was thoughtful. And once determined upon her path, she never gave up.
Trinidad Mendez did well in school. She pleased her teachers, was kind to her classmates. By the time she was a high school senior, it was natural that she should be elected the first runner up for homecoming queen. The actual queen was a cheerleader named Bobbi. Wealthy, blonde—she’d had a figure since third grade.
“First runner up, eh?” Her brother, Nunzio teased. “I wonder how close it was?”
Carlos looked up from his book. “I heard she only lost by two votes. Maybe only one.”
Trini was startled. “One?” she echoed.
“What’s the difference?” Nunzio was lacing up his work boots. “Nothing you can do about it. I mean, it’s not like you didn’t vote for yourself or anything!”
Ah, but it was.
Trinidad told herself she’d rather be first runner up anyway. She didn’t have a dress for the dance yet, or a date for that matter! How embarrassing would it have been to be a queen without a king?
By prom time Trini had joined the ranks of girls becoming women. Tender breasts had finally appeared, reflected by the curve of her hips. She took great care of her hair, curling it, making it shine. Trinidad was ripening, innocently alluring, attractive without the consciousness that gives women power.
Of course the boys instinctively responded and the more experienced ones turned their attention to capturing a prize. “Yo, Trini, man. Nice sweater.”
She’d blush.
“Hey, save me a seat, will ya?”
‘”I’m on my way to Home Ec!” She’d scurry away.
“Yo! You can sit on my lap, princess!”
Princess? That’s what they used to call Modesta!
It was a hunt and the quarry remained blissfully ignorant, aware only that the boys had finally noticed her. Trinidad Mendez had arrived!
One morning, a Saturday morning, Trini’s mother found her sitting at the kitchen table, her head in her hands.
“Dear Heart, you are up early.” Trini nodded. Her mother busied herself about the kitchen, brewing coffee, chopping peppers and onions for the eggs. Trini sighed. Her mother stopped, knife mid-air. “Already looking for cherries in the snow?”
“Mama, this is real. Tony asked me to the prom last night.”
“How nice.” Silence. “Isn’t it?”
“Well, yes, I guess so. But David asked me too. He asked me first.”
“And?”
“And I told him I would let him know because I really want to go to the prom but I was hoping John would ask me and then Tony goes and does and I couldn’t tell him I’d let him know too so I said no but I’d rather go with Tony than with David--and the person I really want to go with is John.”
“Dear Heart, you make everything so complicated!”
“I do?”
“Yes, you do. It was a simple question after all.”
“But Mama, what if John never asks me? What if Tony and David are the only ones who do and if I say no to both of them I can’t go to the prom at all! And I hate hurting either of them, let alone both of them! But I’ll never please them both--I can’t please everyone!”
“Trinidad! You are confusing the issue. There is only one person you must please!”’
“I know, I know,” she sighed again. “Myself.”
Her mother stiffened. “Certainly not! You must please God!” Trini started. “You were honest with Tony. Be honest with David as well.” Her mother smothered a chuckle as she broke eggs into a dish.
“Mama, it’s not funny!”
“The truth seldom is.”
So, Trini did the hard thing, the honest thing and turned down both boys. By the time she discovered John would be out of town the weekend of the prom she had turned down a third offer as well.
Trini got, if not prettier certainly more desirable as she matured and soon the question of her chastity began to trouble her. That crowning jewel hung like a stone about her neck, threatening to drown her with its weight until, mostly from exhaustion, she threw it away on Ken, their senior year. After that the ability to please belonged to her and she bestowed it generously. It was a simple thing to please him. She often wondered what the fuss was all about.
Naturally, Ken liked Trini’s philosophical approach to sex. He was the beneficiary, the recipient of her kindness until the day she moved away. Neither one of them suggested they remain committed, and Ken was surprised to find himself wondering what Trini was doing, whom she might be with. He never told her this startling revelation. He waited a full three days after Trini returned home, before casually showing up and resuming his role as boyfriend, with all of the privileges and obligations that went along with it.
Then Trini discovered she had feelings for BOB. With a child-like sense of loyalty and rapt confusion, she halted her generosity toward Ken. Now what was he to do? Palm Sunday had been something of a revelation to him, but he felt he’d handled her feminine nerves, and showed a unique understanding in doing so.
Trini had struggled to pull back from Ken’s kiss on the porch swing. “Hey! What’s wrong?”
“Ken, I, it’s just--”
“Is it that time of the month?”
“No!” Trini rolled her eyes. “See, this is it. Sometimes I feel like you don’t even know me! Everything’s so simple for you, so predictable. It’s like you think you have it all figured out when you don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
“Okay, okay. Then it’s that other time of the month.”
“What?”
“You know, that PMS crap. Stuff, I mean.”
“No! You’re not listening to me. I keep telling you--” Trini took a deep breath. “Ken, please, it’s over.”
“Over? I have no idea what you’re talking about. Look, if this is some ploy to get me—if you’re worried about that clock ticking thing—“
“Ken, stop trying to define the problem. This isn’t something you can fix. Stop thinking like an engineer for a minute and be a man. I’m trying to tell you--”
“A man? You’re questioning my manhood? I was quarterback our senior year! I won my college wrestling championship! And you’re telling me I don’t think like a man?”
“Oh, forget it. You probably do think like a man and it’s not helping.”
“Hey, I’m not one of those touchy feely sensitive guys with long hair and guitars. I thought you liked that about me.”
“I did like that you’re not annoying in that way, but it doesn't change the fact that in your own pig headed way--”
“Okay, enough’s enough.” Ken stood. “You can call me when you’re feeling better. I didn’t drive over here to take abuse today. Not from you.”
Trini watched him walk away.
Ken drove to the lake and studied the people shuffling along the path in velour jogging suits. After all, it wouldn’t do to return home too early. He shook his head. How did these people do it? Some of them looked like they’d been together for a hundred years! And what was wrong with Trini anyway? It had to be some female thing. He was her man, after all—wasn’t he?
On the other side of town, in a run-down neighborhood where most of the houses had been broken up into rental units, BOB stood at a window, holding something up to the uncertain light. He could smell rather than feel the cold air seeping through the space between the glass and the window frame. He smiled, examining a small pebble, painted red. “Like cherries in the snow,” he mused, turning it over in his hand.
An hour later he pulled up the driveway, surprised to see a blue Datsun parked in front of the barn. Ken got out of the Datsun and rose to his full height--6 feet 3 inches. It was as if he’d been waiting for BOB to arrive.
“Hey, BOB is it?” Ken stuck out a massive hand.
“Yeah.” BOB shook it, miffed that his own was clammy.
“You here to see Carlos?”
That’s right. He would remember he was Carlos’ friend, forget that Trini had introduced him as her friend! “No.” Ken raised an eyebrow. “Trini.” To his surprise, Ken nodded, smiled.
“Let’s go, shall we?”
Mrs. Mendez watched the boys from her kitchen window. She laughed out loud.
“Mama! What’s so funny?”
“Nothing, Papa! I was just remembering something.”
“What?”
“That story of the tortoise and the hare.”
Papa came up behind her and put his arms around her waist. “That’s not funny, love!”
She laughed again. “It is to the tortoise.”
When they knocked, Papa answered the door.
“Mr. Mendez,” BOB began.
“Is Trini home?” Ken asked quickly.
Papa sized up the situation, chuckled and cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, boys. Trinidad is not at home.”
“Thank you, sir. I’ll call her later. I was just in the neighborhood.” Ken turned to go. He glanced back at BOB, still hesitating by the door.
“Mr. Mendez, would you give Trini something for me?” He fished in his pocket.
“Sure BOB.” Trini’s father smiled kindly at his nervousness. When BOB dropped two painted stones into his hand he looked puzzled.
“She’ll understand,” BOB said, and hurried up the hill.
“What the hell was that?” Ken muttered, easily keeping pace with BOB’s rapid gait.
“Message for Trini. Weren't you listening?”
“Look, don’t be smart with me, stick man!”
“Stick man?”
“Yeah, sport. I don’t have to tell you to stay away from Trini, do I?”
“Only if you want me to stay away from her.”
They were in the driveway, at the top of the hill now. Ken faced BOB with a menacing sneer. “You’re crazy! You know that? You think she’s even gonna consider leaving me in a million years? For you? You know what you are? You’re just plain fucking crazy!”
BOB smiled. “So you say. Then why so worried, Ken-doll?”
Ken clenched his fist, then slowly released it. “I swear to God--. Look, I don’t want to break your neck or anything, but I will if you go after her behind my back. “
“Ditto.”
“Hey I’m not the kind of guy to sneak around! I don’t cheat. I don’t have to.
“That’s bull shit, man. You're cheating now. With my girl.”
“Your what?”
“She’s mine already. You don’t know her, don’t care about her like I do.”
Trini’s words echoed uncomfortably in Ken’s mind. Sometimes I feel like you don’t even know me.
Ken remembered the first time he spotted Trini, one night at a field party his senior year. He’d asked one of his friends who she was.
“Trinidad Mendez? Man, you’re dreaming!”
He watched her, giggling with her friends. “What? You think I couldn’t get a girl like that? A newbie, a virgin?”
His friend had laughed, slapped him on the back. “No, man, I don’t. She’s not just a prize, that one’s got brains. And her family--you ever see her dad? Her brothers? Well, the big one, anyway.”
“Ha! I could take him!”
“And you’d still have to convince her!”
So naturally, he’d made it his business to win her. No one would tell him what he could and couldn’t do!
Not then, not now. “Why, I oughta lay you out flat!”
“Go ahead.” BOB shrugged. “That would help me a hell of a lot more than you.”
Ken knew he was right. His mind automatically evaluated the situation, calculated what he could do to win, how BOB would counter, how in a contest of superiority it didn’t really matter what he had to offer so much as what Trini actually wanted. And lately, it wasn’t him. It might not be this creep either, but it definitely wasn’t him. Stones? What was with the stones? Ken shrugged. He flung a half-hearted, “Fuck you,” at BOB, got in his car and drove off.
Later that night Trini’s father knocked on her bedroom door. “Trinidad?”
“Yes Dad? C’mon in.”
He entered, looked around the little room that she shared with Maria Elena. He remembered when Adela, Modesta and Trini slept here, played, occasionally fought. Now Trini was a woman and men were fighting over her. She looked up from the bed where she was laying on her stomach, with a book.
“What are you reading?”
“Oh, I’m just re-reading Gone With The Wind. Don’t you wish life was still like that?”
“Gory and painful or painfully romantic?”
“Oh, Dad! Romantic of course!” She laughed.
“It still is, love.” He dropped the stones onto her book. “A message from your friend.”
She stared at the stones. “What friend?” her heart beating.
He smiled. “The new one, of course.”
“Of course, “ she echoed.
“He seemed to think you would understand.”
Just then Maria Elena burst into the room. “Hey Trini, Hey Dad. Trini, can I borrow your really red lipstick? You know the one?”
“You mean my good one?”
“Yeah. What’s it called? I want to get one just like it.”
Trini went to fetch her lipstick and read the bottom of the tube. “Cherries In The Snow. That’s funny...”
“Wow.” Maria Elena grabbed the lipstick from her. “Just like Mama always says! Spooky, huh?”
Trinidad held the painted stones up to the overhead light. “Ah, that’s what he wants to give me!” She tingled with approval.
